Happy Memorial Day, Hermano...

I've written pages about you, James.

[pages you've never seen because you would create a scene]

Jim, Jimbo, Jim-Bob, Jaimes, Jaime, Jaimers, Jimmy, Bubba...

3 months went by.

You ignored my calls.

I heard you told someone we're both very close to that you couldn't talk to me anymore--
that you didn't know me.
that you couldn't relate to me b/c you work your ass off and I'm [was] unemployed, living off the government.

But you--you throb through my veins.
You're like a toothache that never goes away.

Strange that a stranger leaves me with such a toothache of the soul.

And when I'm sufficiently hurt and sad and disillusioned--then you break through like a big brother should--like a hero.

[I didn't expect you to call me back]

& I certainly didn't expect you to talk to me for almost 30 minutes with such animation.

I was so scared to break the spell...
...delirious with joy that we were actually speaking...

& when you said you loved me..

[toothache wildly throbbing]

You know and I know that you don't say "I love you" often.

& suddenly, it's like the bridge is back!

You even mentioned Jules and I coming to stay with you this summer--you actually invited me back into your life!

I don't know whether I should be offended or not b/c you've only done it since I've become employed and am back in "normal standing" with society.

I just know that you actually suggested that we spend time together.

How long will this spell last?

Should I brace myself now for you to shut me out and mock my lifestyle choices?

Or should I just accept this change and plunge back into relationship with you (as much as you let someone plunge--more like wading through puddles)?

You've let me down so much, big brother.

& I love you so much.

Even though you're drinking like a horse and living with a married woman.

Ahem.

What I guess I'm really trying to say, is I love you.

And I'm glad you're back in the US.

I'm glad you're alive on this Memorial Day.

I'm thankful for your service to our country, even if I don't believe in the efforts you've been fighting in and the way our country runs our military...

Happy Memorial Day, James.