Oh David,
How sad you've made me! I'm still disappointed, but it's more than that. I'm sad for you. So so sad, David.
You and your obscenity...pornography...nihilism...
David, even your version of freedom is so full of fear and skepticism and suspicion and...well, sin, to be frank.
Your last great novel--posthumously published--is this your version of life? What you and your lover had?
Even your version of "love" (or should I just say "sex"?) is so...depressing.
You are right--sex is a beautiful thing--a way to be close to someone like no other way.
but you're wrong if you think sex can hold people together happily for long.
David, David, I grieve for you!
There is deep meaning in life--
--and while there would be no life without sex,
the meaning of life isn't about sex.
It's about a God you didn't believe in.
David, did no one adequately explain what "Christianity" means?
Did you see false piety and meaningless liturgy?
Were you hurt by church people?
David, I know what it's like to feel hopeless. To feel meaningless.
Cynical.
I am so sad you missed the truth.
The real meaning.
I'm so sorry you settled for the lesser things and were never fully satisfied.
David, I wish I could step back in time and somehow give you hope.
The Hope.
The Only Hope.
I don't want a life like yours--or like Lady Chatterly's or Mellors or Sir Clifford.
You missed out on the greatest Love affair--
sufficiently more satisfying than illicit sex
David, you made sensuality into a false god. I've done it too. I just felt hungrier and hungrier and emptier and emptier.
I tried more and more to try to fill the hunger. I took it all in--bloated but never satisfied. I too was mistrusting and fearful and ravenous and demanding and selfish.
It's so full of death. That road is a road to death.
David, I read your book and it makes me want to choose Life even more.
I saw the futility of Lady Chatterly and the others--
saw it and cried out for the hopelessness of people like them.
People like you were, David.
David, I'm not judging you--no, I have no place to do that. I only know that I tried the route you described...I felt the excitement, the "life" surging through me during those times, but let me tell you--I was always empty after.
I choose Life now. And it is satisfying. My life is missing many things I would like--job, healthcare, husband, children--
but I am still satisfied!
Even in my "void" I am more full than I ever was when I took the sensual route.
Sex is not the deepest life--
Life goes further back than sex.
God made Adam from his breath--not intercourse.
God's breath--God's essence and Spirit--that is where deepest Life lies.
And that is where I want to draw my deepest life from--from the Maker of all Life
people will let you down
lovers may leave
friends may fail
but God--He never forsakes nor fails His children.
His Love is from everlasting to everlasting.
EDIT::
My devotional from Oswald Chambers for today addresses this very thing:
If human love does not carry a man beyond himself, it is not love. If love is always discreet, always wise, always sensible and calculation, never carried beyond itself, it is not love at all. It may be affection, it may be warmth of feeling, but it has not the true nature of love in it.
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